Cameo

Have you ever seen something and thought “I wonder if there is a word for that?” Most everything you will ever come across has a name or title so if you find something that doesn’t have a name then I reckon its your duty to try to get it named and recognised as such. Well, duty makes it sound a bit serious, but imagine if you were the very first person to use the word ‘selfie’ – you’d be pretty chuffed with yourself wouldn’t you?

So on this note I reckon I’ve got one! Now not all of you will immediately recognise what I’m talking about as its reasonably specific but picture this: you’re on a path next to a river, stream or canal and you come across a patch of damp ground with no discernible cause. Its not a puddle and its not raining. So what is it? What caused it?

Well it could be a dogsplosh.”

Shortly afterwards you come across the culprit which is:

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This is how it happens:

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And this is the result:

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DOGSPLOSH!!

Now this might seem pretty trivial but I reckon I should launch a campaign to get this phenomenon into the dictionary. What dictionary I’m not sure: Collins? Oxford? Urban? I’m thinking the last of these probably is a bit “street” to be bothered with this but why not go for one of the others? I may as well set my sights high eh?

And there are other things that can add context and colour to the term of dogsplosh. First, there is the faux-dogsplosh:

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Now this might look like a dogsplosh but don’t be fooled. Firstly there is no obvious spot for a dog to be jumping in and out of the canal. Secondly, there is no single spot where the ground is any wetter than the surrounds. And finally, it goes on too far – it would have had to be a very big and very wet dog to soak that amount of ground! No, this is damp ground due to the adjacent plants.

This is the sort of thing that can catch out the unwary dogsplosh-spotter!

In some areas, the powers-that-be have tried to install anti-dogsplosh measures. Take a look at this:

IMAG0918On the face of it you might think that it is a barrier to prevent erosion of the riverbank. But it could just as easily be due to “the man” trying to prevent our beloved pets from dogsploshing…. In my humble opinion I think it is actually a good idea as it leads to your canine friend having more fun jumping over barriers, therefore maintaining its fitness better and what dog doesn’t like jumping over things??!

So there you have it: I think I’ve found something that doesn’t have a name and feel compelled to give it one. Do you agree? Do you like the name? Let me know and, if I get enough feedback I could set up a Facebook group or maybe a page on change.org, or organise some sort of fundraising event to publicise the cause and rectify this glaring omission from modern life. (My tongue might be in firmly in my cheek here….)

I’d be fascinated to hear your thoughts…..

Now for the music. There was only one possible tune here I reckon:

Alice Cooper

Hip bones. Yes hip bones. I’ve got some!!

On the face of it, you might think this is an odd thing to mention but whilst I wouldn’t say I’m fat, I would admit to having a degree of “frontal padding” which, by its nature, has meant that I haven’t really found my hip bones much in evidence in recent years. This has changed.

Unfortunately, the reason for the recent reappearance of these bony protruberances is a dose of food poisoning. Not good.

Now I don’t know if any of you have ever suffered this experience? Personally I’d thought that I might have in the past but I can now say for definite that I never have because this is such an unpleasant illness that I would certainly know it if I had.

After six, yes SIX, days of not eating properly (and if you know me personally you know that this is unheard of), drinking only clear fluids and NO booze, the obvious side-effect is always going to be weight loss. My clothes feel looser and, when I went to bed last night, I realised I could feel my hip bones. And the weird thing is that, despite not feeling great and the reason for their re-emergence, I was actually quite pleased.

This brought me on to thinking about how easy it is for people to get into unhealthy mindsets about diet and weight loss. OK I’d like to weigh less, but should I beĀ happy about losing weight when having a bad illness? I don’t really think so. Now I’m not the sort of person that is going to become obsessive about weight: I enjoy food far too much for that to ever happen. But it highlights how easy someone could become obsessed. Add in media, lifestyle and peer pressures and you’ve got a loaded gun sitting on shelf waiting for someone with the right (or, more accurately, wrong) disposition to come along and pull that mental trigger.

Girl or boy, in this world we live in no-one is really immune to this risk.

Even old-ish curmudgeons like me see older public figures (Brad Pitt, George Clooney, et al) and feel pressure to look better. There’s magazines such as Men’s Health or GQ (which I’m sure never used to be like it is now….) which don’t help the blokes!

Don’t get me wrong: fitness, good diet and all forms of healthy living are a good thing. But my revelation of today just got me thinking of how easy it is for these initial good intentions to slip into a dark place from where it can quickly develop into a potentially dangerous obsession.

For my part, I’m sure that as soon as I am feeling better my appetite will return and the hip bones will once again sink back below the “insulation” that I put on. As you can imagine, I haven’t been out cycling for a while but once I’m back in the saddle, maybe they will reappear when the exercise I put in results in weight loss by that means. And that’s a lot better way to lose weight than being ill. And its more fun!

As you can imagine, there’s not a lot of songs about illness. But this is a fave of mine: